where do we go from here ?

we all know creators, makers and artists go through a lot of ups and downs when it comes to their work and man, i can totally resonate with that.

right now, i'm kinda dipping into this space where i feel a little bit shit about the fact that i'm not making good, substantial work. it feels as if i've lost my mojo and i hate it. 

i'm also at a place where i'm questioning a lot of the stuff that i am making and have made. and reflecting on it. thinking about the type of work i want to be making. 

the truth is, i think i'm lacking purpose. i've lost my voice. i'm not entirely sure what it is i'm trying to say. that drive and that passion that pushes me into making seems to have gone away and i can't help but sit here and think that i'm somewhat lost.

also being away from art school means i don't have that structure. there aren't any deadlines or briefs to work to, no tutor to guide me in the right direction and i really miss having that. even though it is stressful. i feel like i need to be challenged, like i need something to work towards, some project - idk anything.

and it's weird because i've never been the type of person that needs someone to tell them what to do or to motivate me. making comes off quite naturally to me, but recently, it hasn't been quite the same.

@lpinacolada75 on instagram ♡

i'm supposed to be an illustrator. drawing is meant to be second nature to me and i feel like i'm not living up to that.
i follow a lot of artists & creators, & what i notice especially when it comes to music artists is how into their craft they are. they live and breathe music. that's all they can think about. that's all they do, all the fucking time! they have a vision in mind, a mission to accomplish and it's so inspiring. and i really don't know if dynamics change when it comes to illustrators but surely if we're all artists i should be that involved in my own art. ?

it kinda bums me out tbh. 16-yr-old luci was all about that. i feel like i was so intense and so into my work at that point in my life - all i thought about was art. i had the intention of being a fine artist so set in stone and the drive was there so completely and wholeheartedly. but she was depressed and sad and angry and i'm in such a different mindset now. but c'mon, negative feelings are not the catalyst for ultimate artistic-ness. & that's a very problematic thing to internalise. 

the absence of anger & pain does not lead to the ultimate and tragic demise of any type of artistic practice.

@lpinacolada75 on instagram ♡

& i'm still pretty angry and sad about many things anyway. i'm a happier person but there's a lot of shit that makes my blood boil or just leaves me feeling really fucking sad. & there are so many things that have happened to me in recent months, i'm changing and learning so much that surely i could channel those things into my work.

i have things to say, i have things i love, and hate about the world but i need some focus and some intention in order to make all these thoughts and ideas into images. could they be part of a zine ? a comic ? a series of illustrations ? i need to think about it. the inspiration is there; i have tons of artists to look up to. i just need to make an active effort to revive that passion that drives my creativity. 

@lpinacolada75 on instagram ♡

here's a vid u should watch for ur daily dose of inspo if u need it.

thanks for readin' ❤
luci x